A primary caregiver -- particularly when she is a single mother with one or two small children -- had a tough set of marching orders. The stresses of even ordinary life, when nothing in particular goes wrong in a big way, make her lot difficult. Very often a primary caregiver finds herself emotionally at the edge. A former spouse, in the best of situations, can help somewhat, and this is another reasons to try to achieve as good as possible a working relationship with a former husband.

The courts have ways of enforcing support but not visitation. While it is fairly common for parents to feel strongly about visitation, sometimes the noncustodial parent (usually the father) drifts away physically and emotionally. The custodial parent (usually the mother) normally cannot do much about this except keep in touch with the former spouse and make him
(or her) know that visits are possible.

When a woman is a primary caretaker, a former spouse’s visitation becomes important to her for another reason: she may look forward to his time with the children as a much needed break for herself. Unfortunately, sometimes this can become a tool in the hands of a noncustodial parent. The failure to exercise visitation can be a major source of friction between formerly married parents. Very often a custodial parent (usually the mother) finds herself overwhelmed by the difficulties of solo parenting, and she longs for a break in the routine that noncustodial visitation provides.