In some divorces, the noncustodial father becomes a kind of odd man out whose physical removal from the child makes him a visitor, not a parent.

No one denies that divorced parenting brings great challenges, particularly for the absent parent and even more for a father. Even when a father shares legal custody, his physical absence from the child’s life on a day-to-day basis make a father’s job more difficult. Some noncustodial parents become angry if they believe the support payment is not benefitting the child, or frustrated if the custodial parent blindly enforces a visitation schedule.

One of the unfortunate outcomes of noncustodial parenting happens when the parent remarries and has a second family with a new wife. Very often when this happens, the noncustodial parent drifts out of the life of his child who may blame himself or herself for the loss of contact.

Because visitation time is precious, the noncustodial parent should use it wisely, not dissipate it on barren activities like watching television. Shared experiences make for memories, and memories, unlike "stuff," last and often get better with time.

A noncustodial parent always remembers that visitation and support are separate. Visitation is his right; support is his obligation. One should never be used as a wedge against the other by either the custodial or the noncustodial parent. Doing so, only hurts a child, who becomes cut to pieces in a crossfire between battling parents.

A noncustodial parent comes to understand that the halves are not equal and tries to make his or her half better. A noncustodial parent tries to make his or her children feel secure and loved and always aims for the high road in dealings with his former spouse who remains the child’s other parent.

Your Suggestion

1. Remembering the Children During Divorce and Separation
   A child will often cling to the idea that somehow his or her mother and father will reunite. Divorced parents must make it clear to a child that this is not going to happen. 1. Remember that a noncustodial parent is still an equal parent.
   2. Don’t bad-mouth the other parent.
   3. Don’t complain to the child
   4. Don’t use the child as a spy.
   5. Don’t enlist the children as an ally.
   6. Make the most of the visitation time.
   7. Remember that support payments and visitation are independent of one another.
   8. Be flexible if the child wants to spend more time with you.
   9. Be prompt in picking up the children, punctual when returning them.
   10. Keep the communication open between you and your former spouse.
   Contributed on 7/11/2007 by: DivorceDex.com Staff

   Category: Parenting   (Applicable in All States)

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